Tears in the fog

I'm crying.
I'm coming back home and I know there is noone there waiting for me. I thought I won't feel lonely being single.  I thought I'm strong enough to live by myself. 

I guess I was wrong.

Maybe I am not made to be alone? Maybe I only have half of my heart and I'm keep trying to find the other half to feel complete? None of the ones I had before fitted perfectly.

When will I finally feel complete?

Melted heart

I met a guy some time ago.
I was still with my ex and I didn't realise what impact on me this new man will have. He was different from my boyfriend. Not only his looks but also his maturity and life experience.
We talked a lot. His girlfriend broke up with him and he was devastated.  I tried to help him. I hope I did. At the same time I didn't realise that I started falling for him. I tried to silence those feelings, I didn't want to hurt my boyfriend. I didn't want to make mistakes I did when I was younger. Cheating hurts and it hurts the one who does it. Believe me, it does.

Now that I'm single I think about him again. We still talk from time to time. I wish it was more often. He told me I'm cute and it melted my heart. We went out together last week and it was one of the best times in my life. We only talked, had few drinks. Nothing happened. I was a bit disappointed,  I wanted to kiss him so much. We hugged and he kissed me on the head. My heart melted again.

I want to see him again.
I want to tell him how much I like him.
I want to stroke his beard.
I want to fall into his big arms.
I want to be happy again.

I'm alive

I decided to write a diary blog.
I had enough posting about my problems and emotions on Facebook. I didn't want to bother my friends nor hurt people who could take my posts personally. Mainly my ex boyfriend.

The urge to write down all the thoughts from my head and to verbalise all emotions from my heart was so strong, that I needed to start this diary.I knew I could just write traditional one but I still wanted to feel that I'm writing to someone.  Anyone.

Even if I know that noone will be reading this, it still feels like I'm talking to someone.

I really need this.